Sound The Alarm

updatesupdatesupdates

2009-03-10T00:22:00.004-04:00

my life is still boring.
i want to buy a house.
david was home, and now he is gone.
it makes me sad.
apparently we're going to germany.
i'm actually pretty excited.

i've got so many plans/ideas that i don't even know where to begin. i just need to stop shopping and start saving. and since i finally did my taxes, there's something to look forward to in the near future. straight into savings. not gonna touch it... well maybe to finish my arm. but then, straight to savings.

is it summer yet?

even more realizations.

2009-01-08T23:42:00.003-05:00

tonight i made dinner for my family, since my step dad had to work. so i bought a whole chicken already cut into pieces because the thought of cutting a chicken disgusted me.

well i was right about something.

seeing the tiny ribs on the thing almost made me throw up. i couldn't touch it and put it in the pan, but oddly enough i still ate it. in probably 20 years of eating chicken, today was the first time i felt i almost couldn't, for a real reason. seeing the little bones, and the skin that could still have tiny pieces of fur on it... and even thinking about it now makes me feel sick. strange things are happening.

so anyway, its almost my birthday. a friend of mine, from since i was a baby, texted me to see what i was doing (party, bar, etc.) and my response was "getting tattooed hopefully, and my dad is taking me bowling." i'm gonna be 22, and i'm going bowling with my dad for my birthday. and i'm pretty excited.

i'm getting old. my life is getting sad, but really i'm kind of happier.

wasting words on lower cases and capitals

2008-12-30T21:24:00.002-05:00

i'm starting to realize how boring and dull my life actually is.

wake up.
shower.
work.
lunch.
work.
home.
dinner.
tv/internet.
sleep.
repeat.

tonight i was watching Planet Earth, and it reminded me how i want nothing more than to travel the world and discover new things. like caves and animals that we don't know about. or just learn about new cultures and tribes of people we don't know about. it just all seems so appealing, doing things that might actually matter to someone.

my life really blows right now. well at least the working aspect of it. the worst part is that i don't have the right to tell someone when they're being a bitch.. cause i'll lose my job.
the one that pays for my life.

i'm tired of busting my ass for nothing.
a paycheck that barely covers my car payment and insurance.

so, on a side note.. now that i got my garmin for christmas i reallllly wanna drive cross-country.
it's something i've been wanting to do for quite a while, and i want it to happen asap. well, more like summer/fall 2009. and i wanna go all out, like camping in a tent, and visiting the most bizarre and random places i can find. no directions, just a navigational system. and no set plans. just as long as i'm back home when i plan to be!

ultimately, i think i'm just looking for more life experiences.
suburbia and retail just aren't cutting it.

UGH

2008-09-26T23:38:00.002-04:00

gonna miss this...

New York, New York

2008-09-13T00:47:00.002-04:00

Next Thursday I'll be in a car heading to New York, and I'm unbelievably excited. I can't believe it's been almost two months since Dave's been gone, not considering that week he was home, but still time has gone by kind of fast. It weirds me out that I'm actually getting used to the fact that he's not around, I don't like that. I'm so excited to see him, but at the same time, it's going to be the hardest goodbye of my life. I mean our last day together there will be one of his last days in this country. That fucking sucks. And as much as I enjoy being a home-body, I'll most definitely being hanging out more. I'll need it.

Ugh.

I burned my tongue today eating easy mac, it still hurts pretty bad.

Apparently I can no longer fall asleep before 1am. Then I wake up about 309852093 times during the night for various reasons. My life rules right now.

Thank god I have to be at work at 2:30 in the afternoon tomorrow.

i just realized

2008-06-14T00:36:00.001-04:00

i need to find the nail polish i had on in my picture on here.

i feel like painting my nails.

this

2008-06-10T09:23:00.001-04:00

sucks.

where are you thursday...?

fuck hypocricy

2008-05-19T23:26:00.001-04:00

it makes me want to kill you

science vs. romance

2008-04-19T23:21:00.002-04:00

i hate when i get upset, or just filled with intense emotions and feel the need to write them all down simply because thats what helps me feel better... but things run through my mind so fast, and whether anyone ever reads this or not doesn't even matter because i end up speechless. i ramble on in my head, on paper, or even just typing. making incomplete sentences, sentences that run-on, or even ones that are grammatically correct. it brings on a whole new level of frustration. not only am i struggling to put things in perspective, but now those little thoughts are falling out of place as well. i can't even begin to remember why i wanted to jot down my feelings in the first place, now i'm stuck on the simple fact that i'm stuck. i'm even more confused than i was when i clicked "post new blog."

i need a serious cuddle session that can last me over a year, and i need ice cream that can do the same. i want to spend as much time as possible with the people i love, because i don't do that enough, and i feel that i might soon regret that about myself. i want real friends. friends that will be there for me when i'm going through one of the hardest things i might have to endure, friends that will take me out and force me to have a good time as much as i don't want to. friends who will listen to me cry, or laugh. and not just via the internet, but via the phone, or the couch we're both sitting on. i need that in my life. and i want to be that person in somebody else's life. i want to spend more time with my dog, because on some levels- he totally gets me. and i know he's the only person that does, and he'll never judge me and always be there for me because of that.

i just want to fast forward so many things, and maybe stop and pause a few. i wanna know what its like to be with someone for so long and still feel as in love as you were those first few months. i just want it to all be over, so i can see you and touch you and know that its all gonna be okay, because for now its over and it is okay.

it just feels good to know for once, i got my exact thoughts at this exact moment out. and no matter who reads it, or even if no one does, it still feels good to get it out and atleast helps me understand myself a little more. i'm the worst at telling people how i feel. i'm the worst at trying to make complete thoughts, let alone sentences, when all these things are jumbled around inside my brain showing up all at once. so for me, this was kind of a big deal.

ahhh, ice cream anyone?

chapter 18

2008-03-28T22:21:00.003-04:00

"The most important things in life happen when you're just hanging out...

..you can have a good time with just about anyone on a roller coaster, or at the Super Bowl, or in Vegas. But it's really how you feel in the little moments that count. If you find someone who makes you laugh while you're standing in line at the DMV, or when you're sick with the flu, or who you can still have fun with while, say, having a heated debate about the pros and cons of wedding appetizers, well, that's something."

:)

BFF

2008-03-19T11:25:00.002-04:00

i wish i had one, so i could get this best friends tattoo i thought of last night..

srsly.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

2008-02-09T23:30:00.000-05:00

it'll be the hardest thing i've ever had to do, but that's life.
and i'll probably cry a lot and freak out.
and i won't be able to talk about it to anyone,
but it will be the only thing i ever think about.

and when it's over, i'll be right here where you left me.
just waiting for you.

hating life, one person at a time

2008-02-04T22:48:00.000-05:00

it's so frustrating how people can be as mean as they wanna be to me and i have to take it with a smile, and be kind in return. you don't fucking deserve it. and please don't talk to me like i'm a child who doesn't know how to do their job. fuck you.

just because i have boobs doesn't mean i can't put oil in my car. i've done it before. actually, i do it about once a week. and that's great that your co-worker is a mechanic (and is probably in serious need of some female contact) but if i tell you seven times i can do it myself, i think i'll be okay without his help. it was also really thoughtfull of you to watch me open the hood of my car and put the oil in the right place, you know, the cap that says "motor oil." thanks for being there incase i couldn't figure that one out.

isn't there anything else to eat besides potato salad and white house rolls.

forealz.

fuck

2007-12-21T21:16:00.000-05:00

so many things right now.

except this bath i'm about to enjoy with the last bit of this bottle of wine my mom bought me, cause she actually cares.

2007-12-13T10:30:00.000-05:00

its almost christmas, which means i'm almost 21.
which also means i'm about to buy a sweet new car.

but right now, i don't even care.

for the first time in my life

2007-12-01T17:03:00.000-05:00

i bought lipstick, and i like it.

i love feeling like a girl :)

lyk o my god!

2007-11-18T21:55:00.000-05:00

if you want to look like you just fell out of a j.crew catalog, go to fucking j.crew and buy pants there. i don't want to hear you shouting at your "little" across my fucking store wondering if the pants you tried on were "j.crew enough," and the ones that aren't.. you're like so not getting those!

i hate people like you.

thank god.

2007-11-15T22:56:00.000-05:00

i'm proud to say i come from the east end, i'll be 21 years old in two months, and i've never been pregnant.

my life on the D-List

2007-11-10T23:49:00.001-05:00

having the weekend off has been amazing, i just wish i had real friends to spend it with.

today, i got some frames so i could finally hang up some stuff in my room, and i finally started putting my room back together. and i've come to the conclusion that i have way too much shit and nowhere to put it. in the trash it goes. which is fine i guess.

now its just about midnight and i'm too lazy/tired to figure out where i want my tv, so no SNL for tonight. and i'm bored. great.

maybe tomorrow i'll do something fun, besides sleeping in.

miami ink

2007-11-05T21:52:00.000-05:00

has turned into a show about girls in bikinis and ami always yelling at people!

so over it

love and love and happy afternoons.

2007-11-03T22:53:00.000-04:00

I wish never to wake up from this dream I’m in right now.
Here I am watching clouds from your bedroom window,
as we’re laying here.
And I wake up today, still smiling in the air.
Wish dreams could be so great.

I think today I’ll try and kiss you on your cheek.
I hope you’ll let me go.
I know you’re the one.
Its all I want to hear you say your mine.

Talk about and take you there you will see the one true thing.
Places that you’ve never been, places that your gonna be.
I will be the one person to open your eyes.

In love with me…

things i do understand and want!

2007-11-03T22:29:00.000-04:00

this is all i got for now...

things i don't understand..

2007-10-30T23:24:00.000-04:00

and there's probably more to come later

yea yea.

2007-10-25T22:35:00.000-04:00

It really bugs me that you don't realize when you do certain things that you do.

Today was a good day, not much happened, but it was a good day. It made me realize how I really wouldn't mind spending everyday the same way as today, with obvious differences here and there, but it's true. And then for some reason I always find something to make me not think that. Like something happens, that makes me feel like I'm not as important to you as other people.

Don't get me wrong, I hear everything you say, and I believe it.
But for now they're just words.

There's so many things you do, without thinking, that you shouldn't. Thanks for getting rid of something I've been talking about for what, a year now..? And thanks for doing it because you probably didn't want to hear me "nag" about it anymore. I forgot that that's all I do sometimes.

I guess I just wish you took my feelings into consideration more when you did things. And not after the fact, but before. Cause that's what good boyfriends do, specially after a year and a half. And for you to want the things you want in life, you should know that by now.

5-10

2007-10-17T11:48:00.000-04:00

I really hate working the same hours every day of my fucking life. I always get home late, but end up watching something on tv and eating dinner before I go to bed. Which causes me to wake up kind of late. Then I just sit around the house until it's time for me to get ready to go to work, and it makes me feel like a whole day was wasted. A perfectly good day, gone. So fuck that.

Also, I would like more than one day in a row off.

Word.

$$$

2007-10-12T01:32:00.000-04:00

I NEED SOME!

guernica

2007-10-11T23:36:00.000-04:00

It really bugs me how many times a day I get asked "what does your tattoo say?" If I wanted everyone and their mom to read it clearly I would've chosen a bigger font and a more noticable location. I mean I realize when I wear short sleeves you can see it, but please don't pick up my arm for me so you can read it. And once people read it they get this weird look on their faces, and it's almost like they feel sorry for me. The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed. No, I wasn't drunk when I got it. No, I don't hate my life. Yes, it does have a deeper meaning to me, but that's why it's on MY body not yours.

The song is about death, and not being able to stop it, but it's somehow supposed to be okay.

When I was little my grandpa died, and it was the hardest thing I had ever been through. He was like my best friend and his death was the first one I ever dealt with. He was a heavy smoker and died from lung cancer. And when I first heard that song and listened to what he was saying, I felt that all over again. I knew what he was going through, and I felt like he was able to put into words exactly how I felt. It was comforting.

This lady that asked to read my arm tonight said to me, "the best is yet to come" and something about there being better days. But it's not life that I'm worried about, I've just missed the best part about death.

thanks.

2007-10-11T14:37:00.000-04:00

I guess I'm the "ungrateful bitch" you're referring too, which is cool and all except that you wouldn't tell me to my face. Oh, and we date.
Now you know how I've felt for the past few weeks, kind of like I didn't even matter.

Furthermore, my life lately has seemed so off-balance. I feel like I'm always working, which isn't even exactly true. But when I'm not working, I'm at home sleeping, or eating real food, or hanging out with my sister. It just sucks when I don't really see my friends anymore, or atleast people I consider to be friends (touchy subject).
I just wanna hang out more!

I guess that's all for now, I need to get ready for work...