science vs. romance

i hate when i get upset, or just filled with intense emotions and feel the need to write them all down simply because thats what helps me feel better... but things run through my mind so fast, and whether anyone ever reads this or not doesn't even matter because i end up speechless. i ramble on in my head, on paper, or even just typing. making incomplete sentences, sentences that run-on, or even ones that are grammatically correct. it brings on a whole new level of frustration. not only am i struggling to put things in perspective, but now those little thoughts are falling out of place as well. i can't even begin to remember why i wanted to jot down my feelings in the first place, now i'm stuck on the simple fact that i'm stuck. i'm even more confused than i was when i clicked "post new blog."



i need a serious cuddle session that can last me over a year, and i need ice cream that can do the same. i want to spend as much time as possible with the people i love, because i don't do that enough, and i feel that i might soon regret that about myself. i want real friends. friends that will be there for me when i'm going through one of the hardest things i might have to endure, friends that will take me out and force me to have a good time as much as i don't want to. friends who will listen to me cry, or laugh. and not just via the internet, but via the phone, or the couch we're both sitting on. i need that in my life. and i want to be that person in somebody else's life. i want to spend more time with my dog, because on some levels- he totally gets me. and i know he's the only person that does, and he'll never judge me and always be there for me because of that.


i just want to fast forward so many things, and maybe stop and pause a few. i wanna know what its like to be with someone for so long and still feel as in love as you were those first few months. i just want it to all be over, so i can see you and touch you and know that its all gonna be okay, because for now its over and it is okay.


it just feels good to know for once, i got my exact thoughts at this exact moment out. and no matter who reads it, or even if no one does, it still feels good to get it out and atleast helps me understand myself a little more. i'm the worst at telling people how i feel. i'm the worst at trying to make complete thoughts, let alone sentences, when all these things are jumbled around inside my brain showing up all at once. so for me, this was kind of a big deal.






ahhh, ice cream anyone?

chapter 18

"The most important things in life happen when you're just hanging out...

..you can have a good time with just about anyone on a roller coaster, or at the Super Bowl, or in Vegas. But it's really how you feel in the little moments that count. If you find someone who makes you laugh while you're standing in line at the DMV, or when you're sick with the flu, or who you can still have fun with while, say, having a heated debate about the pros and cons of wedding appetizers, well, that's something."








:)

BFF

i wish i had one, so i could get this best friends tattoo i thought of last night..













srsly.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

it'll be the hardest thing i've ever had to do, but that's life.
and i'll probably cry a lot and freak out.
and i won't be able to talk about it to anyone,
but it will be the only thing i ever think about.





and when it's over, i'll be right here where you left me.
just waiting for you.

hating life, one person at a time

it's so frustrating how people can be as mean as they wanna be to me and i have to take it with a smile, and be kind in return. you don't fucking deserve it. and please don't talk to me like i'm a child who doesn't know how to do their job. fuck you.



just because i have boobs doesn't mean i can't put oil in my car. i've done it before. actually, i do it about once a week. and that's great that your co-worker is a mechanic (and is probably in serious need of some female contact) but if i tell you seven times i can do it myself, i think i'll be okay without his help. it was also really thoughtfull of you to watch me open the hood of my car and put the oil in the right place, you know, the cap that says "motor oil." thanks for being there incase i couldn't figure that one out.



isn't there anything else to eat besides potato salad and white house rolls.



forealz.

fuck

so many things right now.



except this bath i'm about to enjoy with the last bit of this bottle of wine my mom bought me, cause she actually cares.

its almost christmas, which means i'm almost 21.
which also means i'm about to buy a sweet new car.




but right now, i don't even care.