science vs. romance

i hate when i get upset, or just filled with intense emotions and feel the need to write them all down simply because thats what helps me feel better... but things run through my mind so fast, and whether anyone ever reads this or not doesn't even matter because i end up speechless. i ramble on in my head, on paper, or even just typing. making incomplete sentences, sentences that run-on, or even ones that are grammatically correct. it brings on a whole new level of frustration. not only am i struggling to put things in perspective, but now those little thoughts are falling out of place as well. i can't even begin to remember why i wanted to jot down my feelings in the first place, now i'm stuck on the simple fact that i'm stuck. i'm even more confused than i was when i clicked "post new blog."



i need a serious cuddle session that can last me over a year, and i need ice cream that can do the same. i want to spend as much time as possible with the people i love, because i don't do that enough, and i feel that i might soon regret that about myself. i want real friends. friends that will be there for me when i'm going through one of the hardest things i might have to endure, friends that will take me out and force me to have a good time as much as i don't want to. friends who will listen to me cry, or laugh. and not just via the internet, but via the phone, or the couch we're both sitting on. i need that in my life. and i want to be that person in somebody else's life. i want to spend more time with my dog, because on some levels- he totally gets me. and i know he's the only person that does, and he'll never judge me and always be there for me because of that.


i just want to fast forward so many things, and maybe stop and pause a few. i wanna know what its like to be with someone for so long and still feel as in love as you were those first few months. i just want it to all be over, so i can see you and touch you and know that its all gonna be okay, because for now its over and it is okay.


it just feels good to know for once, i got my exact thoughts at this exact moment out. and no matter who reads it, or even if no one does, it still feels good to get it out and atleast helps me understand myself a little more. i'm the worst at telling people how i feel. i'm the worst at trying to make complete thoughts, let alone sentences, when all these things are jumbled around inside my brain showing up all at once. so for me, this was kind of a big deal.






ahhh, ice cream anyone?