wasting words on lower cases and capitals

i'm starting to realize how boring and dull my life actually is.

wake up.
shower.
work.
lunch.
work.
home.
dinner.
tv/internet.
sleep.
repeat.

tonight i was watching Planet Earth, and it reminded me how i want nothing more than to travel the world and discover new things. like caves and animals that we don't know about. or just learn about new cultures and tribes of people we don't know about. it just all seems so appealing, doing things that might actually matter to someone.

my life really blows right now. well at least the working aspect of it. the worst part is that i don't have the right to tell someone when they're being a bitch.. cause i'll lose my job.
the one that pays for my life.

i'm tired of busting my ass for nothing.
a paycheck that barely covers my car payment and insurance.



so, on a side note.. now that i got my garmin for christmas i reallllly wanna drive cross-country.
it's something i've been wanting to do for quite a while, and i want it to happen asap. well, more like summer/fall 2009. and i wanna go all out, like camping in a tent, and visiting the most bizarre and random places i can find. no directions, just a navigational system. and no set plans. just as long as i'm back home when i plan to be!




ultimately, i think i'm just looking for more life experiences.
suburbia and retail just aren't cutting it.

UGH

gonna miss this...

New York, New York

Next Thursday I'll be in a car heading to New York, and I'm unbelievably excited. I can't believe it's been almost two months since Dave's been gone, not considering that week he was home, but still time has gone by kind of fast. It weirds me out that I'm actually getting used to the fact that he's not around, I don't like that. I'm so excited to see him, but at the same time, it's going to be the hardest goodbye of my life. I mean our last day together there will be one of his last days in this country. That fucking sucks. And as much as I enjoy being a home-body, I'll most definitely being hanging out more. I'll need it.


Ugh.

I burned my tongue today eating easy mac, it still hurts pretty bad.

Apparently I can no longer fall asleep before 1am. Then I wake up about 309852093 times during the night for various reasons. My life rules right now.

Thank god I have to be at work at 2:30 in the afternoon tomorrow.

i just realized

i need to find the nail polish i had on in my picture on here.

i feel like painting my nails.

this

sucks.



where are you thursday...?

fuck hypocricy

it makes me want to kill you

science vs. romance

i hate when i get upset, or just filled with intense emotions and feel the need to write them all down simply because thats what helps me feel better... but things run through my mind so fast, and whether anyone ever reads this or not doesn't even matter because i end up speechless. i ramble on in my head, on paper, or even just typing. making incomplete sentences, sentences that run-on, or even ones that are grammatically correct. it brings on a whole new level of frustration. not only am i struggling to put things in perspective, but now those little thoughts are falling out of place as well. i can't even begin to remember why i wanted to jot down my feelings in the first place, now i'm stuck on the simple fact that i'm stuck. i'm even more confused than i was when i clicked "post new blog."



i need a serious cuddle session that can last me over a year, and i need ice cream that can do the same. i want to spend as much time as possible with the people i love, because i don't do that enough, and i feel that i might soon regret that about myself. i want real friends. friends that will be there for me when i'm going through one of the hardest things i might have to endure, friends that will take me out and force me to have a good time as much as i don't want to. friends who will listen to me cry, or laugh. and not just via the internet, but via the phone, or the couch we're both sitting on. i need that in my life. and i want to be that person in somebody else's life. i want to spend more time with my dog, because on some levels- he totally gets me. and i know he's the only person that does, and he'll never judge me and always be there for me because of that.


i just want to fast forward so many things, and maybe stop and pause a few. i wanna know what its like to be with someone for so long and still feel as in love as you were those first few months. i just want it to all be over, so i can see you and touch you and know that its all gonna be okay, because for now its over and it is okay.


it just feels good to know for once, i got my exact thoughts at this exact moment out. and no matter who reads it, or even if no one does, it still feels good to get it out and atleast helps me understand myself a little more. i'm the worst at telling people how i feel. i'm the worst at trying to make complete thoughts, let alone sentences, when all these things are jumbled around inside my brain showing up all at once. so for me, this was kind of a big deal.






ahhh, ice cream anyone?

chapter 18

"The most important things in life happen when you're just hanging out...

..you can have a good time with just about anyone on a roller coaster, or at the Super Bowl, or in Vegas. But it's really how you feel in the little moments that count. If you find someone who makes you laugh while you're standing in line at the DMV, or when you're sick with the flu, or who you can still have fun with while, say, having a heated debate about the pros and cons of wedding appetizers, well, that's something."








:)

BFF

i wish i had one, so i could get this best friends tattoo i thought of last night..













srsly.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

it'll be the hardest thing i've ever had to do, but that's life.
and i'll probably cry a lot and freak out.
and i won't be able to talk about it to anyone,
but it will be the only thing i ever think about.





and when it's over, i'll be right here where you left me.
just waiting for you.

hating life, one person at a time

it's so frustrating how people can be as mean as they wanna be to me and i have to take it with a smile, and be kind in return. you don't fucking deserve it. and please don't talk to me like i'm a child who doesn't know how to do their job. fuck you.



just because i have boobs doesn't mean i can't put oil in my car. i've done it before. actually, i do it about once a week. and that's great that your co-worker is a mechanic (and is probably in serious need of some female contact) but if i tell you seven times i can do it myself, i think i'll be okay without his help. it was also really thoughtfull of you to watch me open the hood of my car and put the oil in the right place, you know, the cap that says "motor oil." thanks for being there incase i couldn't figure that one out.



isn't there anything else to eat besides potato salad and white house rolls.



forealz.